Korean words Dan taught us:
Hello: annyong hashimnigga
Horse Shit: Mytong (not sure if that's the correct spelling...)
"Wait, hello is longer than horse shit?"
-Matt when he heard Dan say hello and horse shit in Korean.
"I also got a Louis Vuitton purse..."
-Dan speaking of things he finds and takes at his dad's work when they are left there.
Women at theatre: "Is there an intermission for King Kong?"
Me: "Just find a seat where you can spread out your legs and you'll be fine."
Woman at theatre: "Can I get free refills with this cup?"
Tony: "Yeah, just take off your top."
Tony (on the subject of Twix): "Two me and fuck you!"
Laura: "I'm kind of emo, though."
Me: "Everyone is a little emo... except for sociopaths."
"Shit, now I only have 7 days."
-Tony (after random images flash by on movie screen while cleaning)
Wylie: "This fucking moment presented to you by Wylie Fucking Productions."
Ellie: "Someone kidnapped the Pillsbury Dough Boy!"
Ellie: "They found the Pillsbury Dough Boy."
Ellie: "Yeah, he was left by a river."
Me: "Oh my god! Someone kidnapped him, raped him, and left him by a river! The Pillsbury Dough Boy will never say will never go 'woohoo!' again!"
Ellie: "You definitely hit the jackpot with [Wylie]."
Me: "I've finally caught a leprechaun."
Ellie: "Stop trying to cacth my people!"
Wylie: "Ellie, you're my hero!"
Ellie: "You're my hero too!"
Me: "But where does that leave Emi?"
Both (at the same time): "You're my lover."
Jason: "I have a God complex. But it's not that I think I'm God. I know I am."
Jason: "All of them."
Jason: "Yup, even her."
Ellie: "Now he's Aphrodite."
Jason: "Well, it works, because I am a lesbian."
Van: "They have a support group for that."
Jason: "Yeah, and I'm not allowed to go back."
While shooting the covers of straws across the table
Random Guy: We're the Chinese.
Jason: "Oh, so you sell your children."
Jason: "He's allergic to any nut. That's why he won't give me head."
Ellie: "Is it really that small?"
Jason: "Let me put it this way: [Robin's] still sore."
Me (about Guild Wars): "I wanted to [cast animate bone horror], but no, Wylie decided he wanted to run into the big green circle [of doom]!"
Me: "And then one day, Mickey's army will rise, and they will win, because while they are only children, there are a lot of them. And he will rule the world, and then everything will be.... PG!"
Sara: "You won't believe what I got!"
Anta: "When you say it like that, I can."
Me: "Well, guess what I got!"
Anta: "Uh oh."
Sara: "We didn't know Comics had it."
Me: "You know that wonderful thing called Yaoi? We both picked out one and I bought them. Mine was all sweet and romantic and cute. Sara's on the other hand was just hardcore."
Sara: "I went for the pretty cover!"
Sara: "She's making me do it!"
Anta: "She's making you make Yaoi characters? Yes, because you have absolutely no choice in this whatsoever. By the way she laughs, she knows I'm right."
Sara: "Anta, do you really think I would?"
Anta: "Do you really want me to answer that?"
Next 5 quotes have to do with a character Sara made on the game called "Graffiti Kingdom". Very strange game. Try it some time.
Me: "It's like the Easter bunny exploded everywhere."
Anta: "He seems to be missing a few parts."
Anta: "It looks like Sara's bunny has had too much heroine for its time. That would explain the dialated eyes and big smile."
Anta: "It sounds like it's screaming in agony."
Uncle Don: "That's what happens when you roast peeps."
Uncle Don: "Drunken kung-foo."
Sara: "My bunny is drunk!"
Uncle Don: "It only has one foot. The other is hanging from a keychain."
Delia: "I'll kick you in the..."
Pamela: "Donuts!"
Josh: "We've heard some decorative names for those, but nothing like that."
Me: "Apparently there's a new name for the male region; the testicles. Donuts."
Delia: "Those (points to general region on Sara)."
Sara: "I don't have those!"
Delia: "Fine, there! (points to Josh)."
Sara: "He doesn't have those either."
Josh: (stare)
Val: (sticks money on top of my CLOSED purse at Sizzlers when I was paying for her.) Emi! You're money fell out of your wallet!
Bryan (on his summer plans): "My other plans include start bodybuilding program, find a girlfriend, work on my rap music, maybe do some 3d animations, take over the world.. err, that last one may not work so well."
Me: "Ellie and I can help you. We already have a plan to get rid of the stupid people. It includes a big santa and explosives."
Bryan: "Mine involved lemons."
Bryan: "Yes, they will allow me to conquer the planet. What, you don't believe me?"
Me: "No, it's genius. Damn that sour citrus! Right under our noses the entire time..."
Bryan: "Well just wait til I squirt lemon juice in everyones eyes..."
Me: "And then with the santa, the world will hear the cries of stupid, blind people."
Bryan: "Yay!"
Bryan: "If I find another girlfriend anytime soon, I'll make sure first off that she's gonna accept me for who I am and not try to keep me on a leash, in other words."
Me: "And if she does try to, Emi's gonna kick some ass."
Bryan: "You'll be the first to know then. My ex Rachelle (who is now a really good friend) already said she would kick [the evil ex-girlfriend]'s ass if she ever saw her in public... we know where she works at too."
Me: "Yay! Lets go! Get the santa!"
Bryan: "Don't forget the lemons"
Bryan: "Oh, I also need a decaying, radioactive catfish thats been kissed by a lawn gnome... don't ask what for, its a suprise."
Bryan: "I've been having really weird dreams lately."
Bryan: "Yeah. I dreamed I was in the grocery store looking for donuts, and when I finally found them they were like 10 times the size of regular donuts. They say your dreams hold meaning, I wonder what this could mean.."
Me: "I see many donuts in your future. Your rapper name will change to... the Lethal Donut!"
Bryan: "Maybe I'm destined to be a cop!"
Bryan: "There's a combination for you. Rap about vengeance, violence, rage, drugs, and yet be a cop against this.. its perfect!"
Wylie: "Mmm. Children. Tasty. ...and not in a sexual way."
Ellie (when given a rather strange hug from Wylie): "Hey! No humping!"
Me: "The rainbow was coming out of me."
Megan: "And you didn't have any lucky charms that day either."
A little boy at the zoo when seeing Ellie and I walking by: "Look, witches! They're witches!"
Me (musing over the little boy at the zoo): "That's going to be a fun one for his parents. 'And we saw penguins, and beavers, and witches!"
Me: "We've looked at those Japanese ropes."
Ellie: "Japanese ropes? What are those?"
Me: "You know, the ropes you can tie hands and feet up with."
Ellie: "I've never heard of those."
Me (as the waitress comes up to our table): "Oh come on, you can easily find them at any sex store!"
Ellie: "Emi! I have the Pillsbury Dough Boy!"
Me: "Ellie has the Pillsbury Dough Boy."
Wylie: "Is he still anally bleeding?"
Me: "Well, he's still saying 'woohoo!'"
Wylie: "It likes it a lot then. 'Woohoo that tickles, woohoo that's the spot!' Dirty Pillsbury Dough Boy."
Me: "We're going to take photos of him in compromising positions."
Wylie: "Oh yeah, I want some of those."
Me: "Does it turn you on?"
Wylie: "Only if you're giving it to him.... with a strap on!"
Mom: "They didn't exactly give me a handbook for you."
Me: "Of course not! It's not that easy!"
Sara: "Giving birth would be a lot harder if a book came out with us."
Wylie: "What do my kisses tell you?"
Me: "That you like kissing."
Wylie: "What does you holding me tell you?"
Me: "That you're a chick."
Wylie: "It's like a cult, man! 'Come with us. We will have sex with you, and you will be our virgin sacrifice.'"
Me: "Wait... have sex with you, virgin sacrifice... sex, virgin... sex, virgin..."
Wylie: "They could be necrophiliacs!"
Me: "Then you need to reverse that, you dork."
Wylie: "I want to make love to you... and I want you to be alive."
Wylie: "I will penis slap him. Yes, I will penis slap him. I will penis slap him so hard it will leave a mushroom stamp on him and make him look like he's gone through a 5 hour gay porn production."
Wylie: "I can't drive my car. It is in limbo hell being ass fucked by monkeys."
Mom (on Wylie's phone with 411): "My son's boyfriend just called, and..."
Mom (laughs): "I meant daughter."
Me (turns to Wylie): "Apparently, I have had a sex change, and you've turned gay."
GPS System on Phone: "Turn right into your destination."
Me: "And just what is my destination? I need to know. You're not descriptive enough, bitch!"
Me: "That man is the saddest piece of existence I have ever seen."
Carvius: "Mmm, I love the smell of undead in the morning."
Karen (to Jeff): "Are you goint to sit, or are you trying to look tall?"
Me (during pictionary): Spank? Is it sad I got that so fast?
Jessica: "Who?"
Wendy: "What?"
*Wendy laughs*
Me (about a debate post "cheese vs. socks"): "I'm all for funny debates... but... gah. they're two completely different things! if you're starving, obviously you're not going to want socks. if you are getting frost bite, cheese won't do shit for you! and I would be hard pressed to find someone who wouldn't consider calling the funny police on someone with cheese all over their feet."
Me (on many different ridiculous things): "If I were to roll my eyes effectively for this, we would never get them out of the back of my head."
Me: "I am going to send you a penny check, and you must frame it, love it, and tell everyone how good your Emi is to you."
John: "Don't think I've forgotten about the basement!"
John: "Emi, is that what they are calling it these days?"
John: "Well, in that case, I wasn't hungry."
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These next quotes all come from my Profiling class in summer of 2007.
"I could totally see doing that. Screw my plans this evening. I'm gonna go out and find me a victim." - Cheryl
"Even serial killers have feelings, people." - Cheryl
Cheryl: "The nipples were cut off and placed on her chest."
"Which is interesting because they were already there."
Cheryl: "He changed his mind."
Cheryl: "Her underwear was pulled over her head. ....taken off of course."
Shelley: "That is one bad wedgie."
Cheryl: "Some pair of granny panties!"
Cheryl: "We never said you couldn't bring beer."
Student: "As long as we share."
Cheryl: "In fact, we encourage it!"
Cheryl (about the amish): "They go off sowing their wild oats."
Shelley: "They really soup up those buggies."
Cheryl: "Why autoeroticism? Because it's fun!"
Cheryl: "So if you're mildly intoxicaed, you're a sadistic rapist."
"If you are dying, get over it."
"With his jungle up on her air conditioning."
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Me: "This is a random Emi message, brought to you by the Emi broadcasting studio."
Wylie (talking about a 3 way with Nick and his friend): "Let's make an uh-oh oreo!"
Nick: "Has everyone else tried those?"
Ash: "They come in pine, golden delicious, and macintosh."
Nick: "Apple? I've never heard of a pine-apple before."
Nick: " 'What are you doing?' 'Jerking off with chopsticks.' "
Wylie (when trying to guess the phrase "bottom's up"): "Up my butt?"
Wylie: "I can't find the hole."
Ash: "Does this happen often."
Ash: "At least they speak Engrish."
Nick: "Time flies when you're watching curling."
Me: "It's porn for a man and woman to have sex on TV, but its education when it's two animals. I've seen one penguin on another one's back on Animal Planet, and that's perfectly acceptable."
Wylie: "Yeah, but children when watching are more likely to copy the people than the animals."
Me: "I'd copy the penguins."
Ash: "You climbed on a penguin's back?"
Ash: (with head on my shoulder) "You're soft."
Ash: "I think we just had a moment."
Me: "We should get a room."
